How do little children absorb so much? I am amazed.
We as parents need to provide enough stimulation but not force the child to deliver results. ( they are not a project!!)
The choice is made more difficult with the voices within ( & from some fellow bloggers as well) which say do not pressurise and another which says give ample opportunity, help the child realise its potential.
So how does one decide what is sufficient stimulation?
Where is the line between encouragement and enforcement?
When do you stop being chill and become passive or inert?
If the kid is great & enjoys something, is it time for a larger tougher one of the same- would it not frustrate her is she is unable to do it or would she rise to the occasion? Will a prodigy go unnoticed if its parent fails to recognise or worse still, ignores the talent because it is not the usual for a particular age?
I have no answers and seek none. Rules do not apply since there cannot be one. You have to feel and test and be led possibly more by your heart on this one. I guess....
16 comments:
I think it's an individual choice really. There's no wrong or right. What seems pushy for one parent may seem like providing stimulation for the other. And what seems like benign neglect for one may seem like plain neglect for the other.
Right now , I am struggling with my child's social skills. he's 2 decidedly young to have any social skills whatsoever. But when I see other 2-year olds happily give up their parents clingy fingers and run off to play by themselves with other kids , wonder if I have been too complacent in not socializing my child earlier. He's still looks for me or his granny when he goes to play with other kids. And I say to myself "This too shall pass" half believing it
i belive in not pressurizing too much. upto a point it is good. the child also likes putting a show of skills. somethings come naturally. I have seen tejas point out at clouds/ star etc with a question mark look on his face. it shows that they r very interested in learning & inquisitve. it comes naturally may be.. natural human tendency to be inquistive and gather "like a sponge".. thats why diaries/ computers/ blogs / books/ paper were created right- gather knowledge / info and hold on to as much as possible
well, we already know you and I see eye-to-eye on this. my take is as a mother you know when your kid is getting bored or feeling the "pressure", so when you sense this, you know it is time to back off.
you have worded it well - not to expect results like a project, but provide the stimuli you can, within reason. imo, that is not pressurizing, but presenting them and yourselves the opportunity.
this has been on my mind lately and you have summed up well:
>>Where is the line between encouragement and enforcement?
>>When do you stop being chill and become passive or inert?
indeed the very nature of nurturing is fluid and has to be customized to the needs of the child-and-parent... probably why i feel becoming a parent is a learning experience: sure we make mistakes but we learn from them, and do what feels natural... perhaps collective knowledge-base from generations ahead would help, but, it certainly cannot be condensed to a handbook on child-rearing...
very cute pic! the eyes - GOD!
not many commenst but each one I can connect with
thanks all for sailing on the same boat - am sure it will be a safe and inspired journey for us and our little ones
Just go with the flow, your instincts. Take a pinch from everywhere and try what works for you. I think unless we are not drumming at extremes(like wnating a 6-yr old to make a record in running or a 15-yr old to perfrm an operation), we are all going to be fine. The kind of pushing & encouraging differs from age to age. I think the more we think and dig, the more we get speculative of daily normal stuff.
To each his/her own, I guess.
Sometimes I think if we were not working and could see and enjoy more of our kids, we would know how to set the pace...?
sunita-as my buddy says "too much thinking is not good for the brain"!!
just like that- i am not so sure...
I have seen some SAHMs lose their cool much easier/faster with their kids than I would be- possibly because they are tired at the end of the day?
i wish i could do a movie-like exchange - TRADING PLACES with a SAHM to know how it feels....
I know you seek no answers and I think you are doinga great job as it is. But Just wanted to shre my thoughts in general on this. Kids today start school so early in their life - two and a half I am told - and they get enough stimulation ( even pressure) once they start. Why not relax and let them be babies while they can be?
usha- welcome back after a long break from this blog or at least the comments
all-
do u think babies can get bored??
:) nice to see I triggered off something here! I agree with Minka...
JLT: I dont think that is true. I am sure you can tell even if you are working.
art: I disagree. I see many mothers come back tired from work and lose their cool. its got less to do with whether you work or not and more to do with your natural temperament. I tend to agree with the older mothers like Usha and Dipali in their approach... also because I thikn they have experience... babyhood is so short! And ur most welcome to swap a day in my life.. :)
i dont thikn babies get bored. boredom is a very adult state of mind to me... left to themselves they are constantly up to something. if anything, babies who get used to being entertained by a maid or someone, get into that habit of having someone's attention. that then is an attention problem, not boredom.. just my take on it..
sorry to eat up ur comment space. maybe i should go do a post!
but yeah.. rarely a right or wrong in this matter unless ur sending a 15 year old in to do a c-sec!
This is a great post (I see why you got the thinking blogger award) and you got it absolutely right!
by babies you mean <1 yo?
imo, babies can get bored. at least I've seen mine and my cousins clearly express it. mine used to refuse to touch the same toys, same books and would cling....but if I engaged him in a new activity - say pouring water - he'd perk up and play with that. he needed stimulation beyond what he could find on his own in the toys..
if by babies you mean tots too - definitely. i think some end up expressing it by whining - mine throws a tantrum!
since you asked if they can - this is my answer..doesnt mean all will all the time.
*****- tnx
madmomma- agree with usha - so agree with u i guess not disagree
and yes pleeeeeezzzzeee feel free to use more comment space
kodi- i better watch out for signs of boredom in my soon to be 2 yr old
i agree with usha.you are doing enough already and anush seems fine to me.each child is an individual and needs to be treated accordingly.in very much the same way though parents want only the best for their children their approach to child rearing differes.a balance between rules and recreation would be ideal.
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