The previous generation in my family had not seen any "intra caste" marriage( I have one Bengali and one Irish maami and a Punjabi Sikh kaaka( chittapa)) My Tamil friends have married Manipuris and Malayalees and Konkanis. So it was retro when I announced that I had found an Iyengar. Not that I went looking for one but he just happened to be that.
All said, " Hey 2 Tam brahms- no adjustment problems."
I guess they were right and they were wrong. Yes we are both veggies and Hindus. So it is not so complicated.
But there are differences which surface largely during functions:
The date on which the function falls differs. That is nice though- get to celebrate twice.
Who bears the expense of certain functions- the groom's side or the bride's? ( Anyway post marriage, we( Navy and I) bear it if permitted.)
My MIL does not know how to drape the Iyengar nine yard. My mother knows only the Iyer way . And I can barely tie a six yard myself. So, go figure.
I am in the habit of applying vibuthi daily and Navy has begun to follow the same. But when relatives are around, I am anxious they should not see me as a covert converter.
Touching elders' feet. First and foremost it should be left to the individual to decide how he wishes ( if he desires) to show his respect. The Iyengar way of doing namskaram is 3-4 times and is a true exercise in flexibility. Also which side of your husband you stand matters. I did not know this.
Then there is the matter of which God to worship. While all seems cool on the surface & Vinyaka is often invoked , a recent gifting spree made me realize that the poor Lord Ganesha did not have as many takers as Krishna and Lakshmis did. Navy had vehemently maintained till then that Ganesha ( his favorite deity) had universal acceptance and appeal.
The kind of thaali/ mangal sutra we wear ( if we do) is different. But that does not really matter too much.
The terms of reference in cooking are very unique. I wonder if it is still Tamil when rasam becomes saathumadhu and oravoothardu becomes amudhukuthardu
The order of serving also varies. Iyengars serve the rice first and then the side dishes - so one does not know what is coming.
Had Anushka been Arnav it may have been necessary to decide which of the two sects he belonged to ( poonal and all that)
But anyway with all these little differences, as I tell my indulgent MIL, they could not have got a better girl ( Iyer or Iyengar) than me for their son : - )