Growing up Mom

We got yet another Barbie at a birthday party.  Anush ( possibly due to her conditioning) was not interested in it. Aditi wanted to play with the 'girl' and I gave in only because my mom asked me to loosen up. Soon (maybe under five minutes) Aditi lost interest and the doll met her end ( in my hands).
Looks, body image, grooming, fashion - these are issues I still wonder about as a parent.

Growing up, neither was I a tomboy nor was I a 'girlie' girl.
Make up was a no no. Because I could not (and still cannot) carry it off.
I always had short hair but I do not subscribe to the notion that it is (tom) boyish. It was/is purely a matter of comfort.
I always liked clothes. Never liked low necks/ low waisters but legs were for flaunting.
Never needed heels.
Did not like jewelry since I was careless.
Liked blue as much as I liked pink.
Liked the occasional bindi, mehendi, sari ....

Today as a mother and as a woman, there are instances, when I wonder what kind of signals I am sending the girls.
I do not want to create Mini- Me-s.
I do not want them to be tomboys.
I do not want them to think they are defined by how they look.
I do not want them to deny their right to explore their feminine side.
I do not want them to feel conscious of their looks nor use them to undue advantage.

We tell them it is more important to BE good than to LOOK good.
But we do stress on neat clothes at all times, pretty ones on occasion, comfort over style always.

I do not like clothes for kids that expose the waist. This resulted in a funny situation where Anush asked her grandma why she was wearing gandaa ( dirty) clothes when she wore a sari. Wonder what she would say to aunties who also display navels while wearing a sari!
The girls and I wear pink and blue, they see their father wearing pink, purple as well.
Their room is off white now and used to be a sunny yellow in Chennai.
Done is a neutral theme of jungle and sea animals.
So they do not have any colour bias. That is taken care of. At least for now.
I refrain from make up. I also wear lenses. So it is fairly easy to tell them I do not have lipstick , eye make up etc. Lip balm is allowed though.
As for shoes, we never had an issue since I have told them that only shorter people wear heels if at all. Though this has resulted in some hilarious bordering on embarrassing episodes. And then I offered the real healthy backing for my stand.
Do I say no to earrings, bangles, mehendi, traditional ghagras- paavadais then? No. I screen the frequency, the quality and ensure they do not look distasteful, as per my judgement. I even indulge them with the ocassioanl dress up in kids' saris etc though I am not fully for it.

When I read what I have written, I am not sure what I am trying to say. Maybe just providing a refrence for  my daughters - to let them know why their mother behaved a certain way .

- It is often found that fashionable moms have kids that do not care about decking up ( eg. my SIL)
- The opposite is also possible ( my case)
- And it is equally likely that both mom and child are into dressing up ( my other SIL)
Guess we all do what is comfortable for us as parents to accept on our kids. And they develop their own sense of self and fashion as they grow up.

And maybe we also learn a thing or two along the way about ourselves and our idiosyncrasies.