Why are mothers so tempted to justify when their babies are cranky in a social setting? I was at a wedding yesterday and Anush was as usual having a ball. She was running faster than her nose was. ( yes she had a cold) and I was chasing her around,lest she trips over the video wires.
There were a couple of other kids her age. She went up to them and smiled. I did not want her to pass on hr cold - so I stood guard not letting her get too close. But she was really sweet trying to engage them and saying "paapa" and so on. Neither kid responded. One kid was fidgety and was sucking away at her fingers . The other was generally irritable.
Immediately the parents launched an explanation in both cases. She is teething, not had sleep, scared of crowds, usually a gem and so on.
It set me thinking. In their situation, I would probably do the same or something similar . But as long as the baby is not destructive or disruptive there is no need to explain. We understand. We must. We have our own unpredictable saintly demons - Kadavul paadhi, mirugam paadhi ( as in Alavandaan)
A friend of mine says - "Problem is we think everyone's eyes are on our kid. We feel we are being gauged as parents. Also we see our kids as trophies. And want them to make a great impression/impact. All a an age of 8 or 18 months. Pathetic and self centered of us."
Harsh as it may sound, there is some truth in it. What do you think?
18 comments:
Oh yeah! I do that all the time! ;) If its another mother I add the "You know how it is" line and they completely agree! Classic motherhood! :)
You have to become a g'mom like me to become truly patronising.at your age I never understood that kids would be kids.my children must have thought that they'd be better off without this monster called mother.
I think we are just speaking for the kid :) y'know till they can expalin themselves
ditto Orchid. if our kid shrivels away from a friendly kid and we say nothing, it would seem unfriendly, and the other person would feel they intruded. so we speak for our kids..and there is some truth in your friend's statement as well, but I won't go so far as to call it 'pathetic'!
Its not so much as trying to get the kids to make a great impression. Its more of a need to justify their behaviour. Ananya is in a typical nuclear family set up-its just her, me and pappa. Its mostly me and her coz pappa is always travelling. So until recently she was not very willing to climb into her dadi or dada's or the freindly neighbours laps. I always felt the need to reassure them that she shrivels away coz she isn't familiar with them.
Now that she's more friendly, I see there are fewer excuses.
Hey,came here thru' Orchid.
I like your Kothi!!;D Kothi should do what Kothis are supposed to do.Never mind what other Kothis' moms think!:))
we are all guilty of this one... the Brat actually is a friendly child so if he is in a rare bad mood i feel completely let down.. i am so used to him smiling and going off with strangers that i just have to tell others who really dont give a rat's ass.. that my son is 'usually much better behaved!"
we are all guilty of this one... the Brat actually is a friendly child so if he is in a rare bad mood i feel completely let down.. i am so used to him smiling and going off with strangers that i just have to tell others who really dont give a rat's ass.. that my son is 'usually much better behaved!"
we are all guilty of this one... the Brat actually is a friendly child so if he is in a rare bad mood i feel completely let down.. i am so used to him smiling and going off with strangers that i just have to tell others who really dont give a rat's ass.. that my son is 'usually much better behaved!"
all mothers think their kid is the best..Nothing wrong in it i feel,nobody gives us more importance than our mothers!
yeah- agree with all of you
we are just so eager to please and want the same of our kids
it is okay and I guess we all undertsand that the intentions are all right.
how did i miss this y day. anyway, as u rightly said, we always feel we r getting judged by the behavious of our child. so many posts on the mom blogs here itself talk of how we feel the parents do not control thei rkids properly etc.. but to me, a kid is an individual and there is a limit upto which one can control them. we can coach them and teach them but total control is by & large impossible.
Sonny is rather shy - and I do this all the time - proffer excuses about his teething or shyness.... I mostly do it so that the elders dont take offense - esp people I care about. Random strangers - I just shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes - I guess most people understand that to be - I dont know why he is doing this :)
itchy- good u caught it now- u r nto so regular at my blog that is why- on ur comments-total control ruled out
sts- i still remember ur shrug and roll eyes...
I guess when you take you job as a parent seriously, you think her behaviour is a reflection on you as a parent. And kids invariably have a way of letting us down in public with totally unexpected reactions and behaviour! Every parent does this!
you said it usha
maybe time to loosen up a little since all are on the same boat?
Guilty of this one. We do see our kids as trophies sometimes and its part of the parenting feeling I guess. And we also feel the need to speak for them, so they also learn a bit about social graces and how to express oneself.
Like is Akhil is offered something, and doesn't say anythhing afterward, I pipe up and say 'Thank you..so and so.' So he'll have observed and learnt, at least, and the person is acknowledged also.
hi tharini- welcome here after a while/ yes we do wish to talk on their behalf.
learning from example is a good way to justify it
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