Swapneel and Shalini had been friends in college. A little later in life they progressed to being lovers. Very comfortable with each other, a common set of friends, some shared interestes and some unique. Swapneel was more flamboyant while Shalini was realtively subdued. When they decided to take the formal plunge, many of their college friends were surprised but only pleasantly so. They were a good match. Their "Mumbaikar "streak overshadowed any cultural differences there might have been between a Telugu and a Bengali. . Some wondered why they had not decided to go around earlier. This was about five years back. A couple of months ago, they parted ways. Shalini cannot find anything/ anyone to blame. But she is distraught.
Take two individually good souls, they may still not add up to a good couple together. It is like having avial with rotis ( individually excellent- not too good in combination)
Some thoughts on what make a marriage work, at the risk of sounding like Shobha De or some article from Femina:
- Enter with more realistic expectations from marriage
- Ensure you give each other space, trust in yourself and each other
- Never lose your individuality yet compromise when needed
- Confront but in private, Do not sulk or seethe in anger, always be honest
- Do not rake up the past, except to relive the "nice" instances
- Learn to laugh at yourself and with each other
- Find time at least once a day to show you think he/ she is special- surprise and romance sees no age cut offs
- Do not allow anyone ( repeat- anyone) define/ judge you/ your partner/ your marriage
Media reports indicate that in the West, vows like "For as long as we continue to love each other," "For as long as our love shall last" and "Until our time together is over" are increasingly replacing the traditional to-the-grave vow — a switch that some call realistic and others call a recipe for failure.
A relationship is the equation you create together. You not only love the Other but also love yourself for what you become when you are with the Other. When either of the two ceases, it is probably best to call it a day.
On the lighter side, here are some funny quotes-
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down- Woody Allen
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.- Agatha Christie
To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.- Ogden Nash