Mommyhood learnings

Rushme tagged me on this interesting Mommyhood tag. Doing a tag after a long time- Thanks!

Anushka was very excited about her uniform and we tried it out and I felt that the dull uniform acquired colour and character and actually brightened up once she donned it.

Lesson 1: When I was a non mom, I would laugh at the Indian Maatha on TV/ movies, I thought that I would be an objective and unbiased mother. Yeah, right!

Anushka quizzed me as to why kids have to wear uniform. Did office goers also wear them. Like in XYZ factory I reminded her where the boss uncle is a friend of Navy's. Then why does the boss uncle not wear the uniform? He should as per her logic that those who worked in the factory should be wearing the uniform.

Lesson2: Motherhood has made me take a closer look at how we do things and why we do things. I am amazed by the questions and the thoughts that little ones shoot about.

Aditi just loves to play with balloons but she is also scared of them if they are lying on the floor.

I did not get to even see Anush's first fallen milk tooth which I wanted to preserve. She thought it was yuck and had discarded it .

Lesson 3: Motherhood has taught me to go with the flow. Expect the unexpected. Don't feel embarrassed. Be more flexible with plans. That fun can be had with a broken bat or a piece of sparkly paper. Not be so particular as to how the house looks. Though once in a while the control freak in me takes over.

Parenting while working is a difficult task with travel and meetings and late evenings and so on to juggle with. But trusting anyone with your baby is not easy at all.

Lesson 4: How important it is to have support while rearing kids- be they parents ( like mine) or in laws or help or a spouse who can be home when you are not. I am so grateful to them.

While I have never feared my own death in the past, I wonder how my kids would survive if I were to die. I raise them to be empowered, but I hope that I am around for them. I want to keep things in order, write a will, make tapes / letters just in case.

Lesson 5: There is more purpose to my life than ever.

The kids are my recharge batteries (though they wear me out at times)

They make feel young and zestful ( though they think I am mighty big and old)

They make me feel good- I love me most as a mother and I have never loved myself more in any other role be it at work or as a daughter or a wife ( though the kids may not rate me the best mother in the years to come, I know I have tried my best and that is good enough)

Mommy Guilt Trip

Life is full of thin lines and tough choices for a mother........

It begins even before the delivery
Can I eat this or not
Am i being careful enough or is the baby inside finding it tough
A C sec or a natural
A n epidural or not

Then it moves on to
To breast feed or to express or formula
To work or to take a break
Diaper or cloth

Then
Play school or not

Which mother has not been on this train?
All you mothers have been?!! ( I knew it)

And it is not a pleasant ride. The sooner we realise it the better. Just learn to enjoy the Mommy trip and drop the guilt. Or the guilt will trip you!!

Generally I go with the flow - hence I do not moon about ( at least not too much).

As an only child turned mother of one I was learning the ropes with Anushka. I hardly had any experience with babies- no babies in my family since I am the oldest in a very short line of cousins. I was guilty of paranoia, over protectiveness, over indulgence.

With the second one I feel like a pro but I still wonder if I pay too much attention to one over the other. And that varies each day. So I guess over all it equalises.

Most recently, for those who feel working from home is great, let me share with you that I feel miserable about keeping the children at bay.

But NO ONE is a super mom. If they let you believe so they have good convincing skills
There are umpteen times motherhood makes you eat humble pie. But that is okay and humble pie is tasty.

My very dear friend has initiated this contest. Do participate.

Singham, lion heart and more

Anush has been a rather timid/ clingy child, in the sense she does not venture out much with out me. She refuses to enroll in activities outside of school unless pressed to do so.

On Sunday, she proclaimed that she wants to go to her cousin's place and stay the night there as well. I was not prepared but put on a brave face and we packed and I reinforced my gyaan on susu, sharing , eating, taboos etc

As she was leaving, I told her ( half hoping she would change her mind) that she could call for us to pick her up if she wants to get back sooner.

As the day progressed I began wondering what she finds more exciting at her cousin's place than her own home. Of course she has kids who adore her and she hero worships. Other than that maybe??

Navy said I was reading too much into all this and she is trying to be independent and we shld encourage blah blah.... he was right.I used to scoff when they said mothers need to learn to set their children free- little did I know....I am a clingy mom!!

Anyway I was relieved ( no thrilled) when Anush called by evening to say she wanted to get back home.

What would I have done if she had really stayed on... maybe I would have joined her myself ... Just kidding. What, you don't believe me?

Of course I got good time with Aditi and caught up with Navy and we also saw a movie Singham. Mostly mindless, rather violent, fun ride. Some questions to the director- Does Air Deccan still fly? Why does Surya insist on wearing blouse shirts?

P.S. Anush went smiling to school finally!!

A leave of Importance

An interesting, if outdated link comparing maternity leave around the world.

Norway and Sweden top the charts, if I read it right. In Sweden, parental leave can be used in a block, or taken in batches before the child is eight. What makes it possible is the fact that social security pays it, not the employer. However I believe the taxation is pretty high as well in Sweden.

Bulgaria, Brazil, Venezuela & Cuba are not bad & that too at 100% pay.
Denmark, France, Bulgaria are also a good places to get pregnant if maternity leave and pay is the key criteria.
Australia has a catch with 1 year but no pay
There was talk of India getting 6 months maternity leave. I wonder what happened to it?

If one is purely a home maker, does any country/government offer any incentive for job well done? Possibly countries with lower population or with an aging public and not enough babies?